You know what's making school difficult. So why are things still stuck?

 Sometimes parents tell me they know why their child is finding school so hard. Perhaps it's because they're overwhelmed by the sensory environment, or they're struggling with friendships, or they find unexpected change really difficult to cope with.

And knowing what's hard is a really important step forward. But sometimes despite understanding what's going on, things don't seem to be getting much better, and that's because understanding the problem is just the beginning.  

The next step is working out what needs to change.  

For example, if your child is overwhelmed by the noise and busyness of school, understanding that it's sensory overload is really important. But what adjustments are then needed to make everything feel more manageable? Could they avoid particularly crowded corridors? Could they go somewhere quiet during break times? Can they take breaks before they feel overwhelmed? And could someone help them develop a clearer understanding of what sensory experiences they find overwhelming and which help to calm them down? That might help them begin to understand what they need and plan ahead for situations that they find difficult.

Or perhaps you've noticed that your young person finds unexpected change really stressful. So what could school do to make the day feel more predictable? What information might help them feel more prepared? And what could you do together if something unexpected happens? Or perhaps your child could learn ways to ask for clarification or more information when they are unsure about something rather than just having to sit with the uncertainty.

The important thing is to move from understanding what's difficult to understanding what might help.

You don't have to tackle everything at once. I'd suggest starting with just three questions.  

First of all, what's having the biggest impact on your child at the moment?

Then question number two. What could change to make that particular difficulty more manageable?  This might involve adjustments at school or your child learning a new skill, or very often a combination of both.  

And thirdly, who needs to be involved in making that change happen?  

You're very unlikely to have all the answers straight away, and that's fine. We're making a start. These questions can move you from feeling stuck to having a clearer idea about what needs to happen next.

And that's what I really want parents to be able to do - to understand what's causing the issues, to have a clearer idea of what needs to change, and to feel more confident about working with schools to make things better.

If you're still trying to work out what's making school hard for your young person, you can download my free school anxiety checklist here. It'll help you explore the factors that might be contributing to their difficulties, so you can start to identify what needs to change.

Over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be sharing more about how to move from understanding what's going on to ensuring the right support is in place so keep an eye out for those videos and emails from me.