Why's it so hard to work out why a young person is worried about school?

Why is it so hard to work out what's behind a young person's worries about school? Recently I was running training with school staff and we were discussing exactly this.

So one of the things we talked about was just how difficult it can be for young people to explain why they're finding school hard.

Staff said that sometimes kids simply don't have the words to explain what they're feeling. They may feel overwhelmed or upset, but they're not always sure why themselves. And when adults asked open-ended questions like, what's wrong? Or Why don't you want to go to school? Children often don't know how to answer.

And one person said that sometimes children aren't asked about the reasons behind their worries - perhaps because adults feel under pressure to focus on getting them back into school or because they assume that they already know the answers.

And staff also pointed out that even when children are asked, they may not feel able to answer honestly. They might not yet trust the adults around them. They might feel embarrassed about not coping, or they might try to put on a brave face and say, everything's fine.

What's really important to understand is that without the views of the child being clearly communicated, schools and parents can end up with completely different ideas about what's going on for that young person, especially if they mask at school.

And that's why helping children communicate about what they're finding difficult is so important. When adults come to a shared understanding of the reasons behind a child's worries, it becomes much easier to agree on the right goals and the right support. And without this shared understanding, adults can unintentionally pull in different directions and support becomes less effective.

 Structured tools like The School Attendance Clarity Cards can help children quickly and easily communicate what they're finding hard about school. (Find out more by clicking here.)

And if you are currently wondering what might be making things hard for your child at school, I've also created a free school anxiety checklist. It's designed to help you gently think through the different factors that might be playing a role, even if your child is finding it hard to explain things clearly right now. You can download it here.