One simple way to rebuild your child's confidence this summer.

When a child is struggling with school anxiety, it's very easy for everyone around them to become focused on what's difficult. We spend a lot of time thinking about what's making school hard, what they're struggling with and what support they need. And that's completely understandable because we're trying to work out how to help. 

But let's be honest—it's not very nice if the people around you are constantly talking about the things you find difficult. Over time, children can start to believe that's all other people see. They become "the child who's anxious", "the child who can't cope with school", or "the child who's falling behind", instead of seeing themselves as a whole person with strengths, interests and qualities. 

That's one of the reasons I think the summer holidays are such a valuable opportunity. For a little while, school isn't centre stage. Instead of focusing on what's hard, we can help our children reconnect with what makes them them. 

What are they good at? What kind of person are they? What do they enjoy? 

You don't need to sit them down for a big conversation about strengths. In fact, it's often much more powerful to simply notice them in everyday life. If they've happily spent half an hour fishing, you might say, "You're so patient." If they're always asking questions, "You're really curious." If they're looking after the dog, "You're such a caring person." If they love building things on Minecraft, "You're really creative." Or if they keep trying until they finally beat a level on a game, "You're really determined." 

The important thing is that it feels genuine. You're not trying to boost your child's confidence with empty praise. You're simply helping them notice qualities that are already there. 

Children experiencing school anxiety often spend far too much time thinking about what they can't do. The summer is a wonderful opportunity to remind them of everything they can do and the qualities they already have. That can be incredibly important for children whose confidence and self-esteem have taken a knock over the school year. 

Later on, those strengths may even help you think about how to overcome some of the barriers they're facing at school. But even if they don't, helping your child develop a stronger sense of who they are—and what they have to offer—is valuable in its own right. 

If you're also using the summer to reflect on school, what might be making school difficult before September, my free School Anxiety Checklist can help. Many parents tell me it helps them build a clearer picture of what's really going on. You can download it here.