Plan ahead to support fight, flight and freeze.

I was recently visiting a school and I was waiting in the entrance hall to see a young person, when I witnessed a really distressing scene – a young child being brought into school by their parents absolutely overwhelmed.  They were  screaming, crying, hitting and kicking – clearly in full blown fight and flight .

And the poor parents were having a dreadful time. One of the parents was furious – shouting and threatening the child. They had clearly been triggered into their own fight flight response. And the other parent was trying incredibly hard to stay calm, but you could see the distress on their face. And staff were desperate to help, but they looked completely unsure about what to do or say.

It was an absolutely awful for everyone – for the child, the parents and staff. Even just watching, I could feel my own heart beat starting to speed up and I could feel myself tense up.

Moments like this reminded me how important it is to have a plan about what to do and say when your child – or a child you’re supporting – goes into fight, flight or freeze. Emotions are contagious and and if we don’t know how to respond, everyone’s stress can spiral quickly and things can easily escalate out of control.

That’s why I’ve created a new resource – a simple guide so you know what to do and what not to do when your child is in fight, flight or freeze. It includes a short script you can adapt to your own situation to help your child move from panic to back to calm. You can download the guide here. 

Of course, just knowing what to do in the moment is just one part of the picture of how  to support a young person who is distressed about school. The bigger piece is understanding what is behind your child’s distress – what is making school feel so hard – and then find ways to support them so they feel able to cope and eventually thrive.