One question to ask your child before they return to school - and it's not the one you think!

If your child is worried about going back to school next week, there’s one question I’d really encourage you to ask them. And it’s not, “What are you worried about?” 

Instead, try asking, “Can you remember a time when school felt just a little bit easier?” 

When a child is anxious about school, we understandably spend a lot of time trying to work out what’s wrong. 

• What’s worrying them?
• What’s making school difficult?
• What needs to change? 

And those are important questions but we tend to look for clues in the days that went badly. There can be just as many clues in the days that went better. 

So, become a bit of a detective. Ask then to think about a day, a lesson, or even just one small moment when school wasn’t quite so hard and then ask, “What was different?” Was there a particular adult there? Did they know exactly what was going to happen? Was something that usually makes school difficult simply not happening? 

You’re not looking for a day when everything was perfect. You’re looking for the small things that made school feel a little safer or more manageable. 

So sometime this week — perhaps when you’re in the car, out for a walk, or doing something  lovely together — try asking “Can you think of a time when school felt a little bit easier? What was different?” 

Resist the temptation to immediately jump in with solutions. Just listen and be curious.  You might discover something really useful to take into the new school year. 

If you're trying to understand why school feels so hard for your young person, you can download my free School Anxiety Checklist here.