Beat first day back stress! A simple plan for difficult school mornings.

So Easter is over and it's back to school for lots of kids in England on Monday. If your child has school anxiety, that first day back after the holidays can feel much worse than usual. 

So what can help Monday morning go more smoothly?  You need a plan!

Firstly, try and reduce as much uncertainty as you can. Anxiety loves the unknown, so talk your child though exactly what is going to happen - when they need to wake up, who is going to take them to school and what they are going to put in their school bags. It can be helpful to write the routine down or to create a visual timetable that your young person can refer to. 

Secondly, build a little bit of time within the morning routine for your young person to regulate. What this is will depend on your child. It could be a little bit of movement, it could be listening to music, it could be doing an activity that they love like playing lego or bounding on a trampoline. If they've got no idea about what helps to calm then down, this is a discussion to have with them before Monday morning so you've got some ideas to try. 

Thirdly, prep everything the night before. Get bags packed, lunches sorted and uniform all set out. If your child needs extra support in the morning, you don't need any extra pressure on you, and this will give you the space to focus on what's important - helping your child to calm down. 

Fourth, it's important that you know what you are going to say if your child feels worried. Don't rush straight into problem solving. You want to acknowledge their feelings and to validate them. so for example, you could say something like, "I'm wondering if your feeling worried now. You've gone pale. It's normal to feel a bit worried about going back to school after a break. Lots of kids will be feeling the same way as you". 

When your child is really anxious, their thinking brain goes completely offline. They won't be able to communicate properly, problem solve or think things through clearly. There's absolutely no point trying to get into a logical discussion with them until they are calm enough to take it on board. So at this point, the priority is to help them to regulate and you do this by encouraging them to use a regulatory tool such as deep breathing or some of the activities that you know will help them to calm down. And if they are feeling really worried, it's highly likely that you are going to have to use that tool alongside them to remind them what to do and to encourage them to do it properly until they feel calm. Your role in this situation is to help them feel safe, supported and connected. 

It's important that while all this going on, that you try to stay calm yourself. I know this is really hard, particularly if you have other pressures on you, for example, needing to take another child to school or worrying about being late for work, but if you become angry or show you're anxious yourself, this is only likely to escalate the situation further. 

If you'd like some help on how to support your young person in the before school, you can download my free plan for difficult school mornings. 

And finally, supporting your child before school is just one part of how you help a young person with school anxiety. The bigger picture is understanding why school is so hard and then creating a plan to make sure they get the right support.